Pam Allen

Reflexology and Indian Head Massage

Female & Male Balance

As in all things, consciously or unconsciously we seek out these two energies in order to create a balance within our lives.

The words that I use to describe the qualities of the male and female may resonate for you  or not, depending on your experiences of the world.  They are a starting point however for attempting to encapsulate the fundamental differences between these two energies. Our first experiences of these energies usually comes from our parents.  They form our original template, so if you had a mother who was hard and bitter, the idea of the female being soft and receptive may seem ludicrous. As a female I may contain predominantly feminine tendencies and attributes.  In order for me to seek the balance of the male energies, I have two options.  I can learn about the masculine attributes and start to incorporate them into my life or I can look to a physical external male to supply me with these energies; often a father and consequently a partner or lover. Often, we are drawn towards a partner who will supply us with the energies in which we are deficient. This dynamic is also true in reverse whereby the male seeks a partner to provide the female energies. I will give you an example. Consider a male who does not know about the value of self nurture.  He becomes unconsciously reliant on his physical female to provide these experiences for him.  He so loves that she will create a warm nurturing space for him to co-habit. This may include things like setting up an internal environment in the home that feeds this inner thirst for the soft, nurturing, fluid, expansive experiences. She creates a home with feminine fabrics and colors, flowers, paintings, knick knacks. She may love to hold and caress her male, invite him to share warm baths, cook nurturing foods for him. There is something very innate in the female to create this nest like environment at home to share with her partner.  If she leaves the relationship, the male can feel bereft.  He senses the loss of her presence and a part of this is her capacity to create this type of space and experience.  He does not know how to create this self nurture for himself. He has handed that responsibility on to her.

In return the female can be reliant on the male to provide her with the masculine energies. The male is physical strength and a competent problem solver and is task orientated. If something needs to be repaired, built, constructed, towed, pulled apart then we may look to the male.  The male is the energy of ‘doing.’ If it needs to be done, then the male is onto it. He also provides a type of strength, reliance, resilience and stability for the female in the doing of these activities.  If he were to leave a relationship the female may flounder in the wake of the responsibility to hold the functional aspects of day to day life together.  Juggling, children, mortgages, bills, garden, repairs, she may miss the solidity and strength of the male energies. Now these examples may appear stereotyped and of course there are cross overs with what we are all capable of doing and being, however there is a truth in our dependence on the other to supply these energies to each other with varying degrees.

What if we were to build relationships with each other that were still supplying these beautiful attributes to the other, but at the same time we were learning how to build the missing pieces of the puzzle within ourselves. Let me explain. Imagine that Jim has come home from work on a Friday evening, feeling deeply tired from a demanding week.  Jill is away for 10 days and the house is cold and dark. As Jim comes into the house he feels its stark, cold, emptiness. He would love Jill’s soft, encompassing presence tonight. However, he knows this feeling and has explored the options in the past with Jill for just such a scenario.  He can divert himself in the TV for the night with a frozen dinner or he can create a sense of nurture for himself.  He lights the fire, even though it’s not so cold, because he knows that it creates a feeling inside him that is warm and calming. He lights some candles and turns down the lights. He puts some music on the stereo that is gentle and quiet and lights some incense. Aaah.  He is starting to unwind and feel softer.  He decides to create an omlette rather than have a frozen dinner as he knows that the extra effort will create a feeling of nurture.  He sinks into the couch with his omlette, then lies back to listen to the music, watching the fire dance and spark.  He has created a female haven for himself and grown with the experience.

Next it’s Jill’s turn.  She has noticed that she has been really missing their weekends away in the bush with the camper trailer. His work has been so demanding lately and he has to work weekends for another 6 months.  She is starting to feel a bit resentful and suddenly realises that she has been internally making Jim responsible for taking her away and providing her with an experience that provides good feelings. She would love to take their camper trailer away for weekends, but lacks the confidence to do it alone. She feels a bit scared about it but decides to ask for Jim for assistance with this issue.  Jim is very understanding and encourages Jill to contact his Dad who would be willing to teach her how to correctly hitch the trailer to the car, to reverse the trailer and to safely open the camper. Jill needs to find some inner courage to enter this male territory but with courage, support from Jim and willingness she embarks on this journey. After 2 weeks and a trial run with Jim’s Dad, she is ready to go out on a solo journey.  She is deeply grateful and excited by this development and has grown from the experience

This relationship between Jim and Jill is healthy and supportive of one another. They are assisting each other to learn skills that are valuable for their evolution. They are developing their own inner male and female and becoming more balanced and empowered in the process.  This does not make either of them superflous or less interesting in their partner’s eyes; quite the reverse.  Their relating becomes more dynamic and more empowered as they are less reliant on one another but more of assistance to help the other grow. This is a key.

Note that in both examples there is a common dynamic at play.  The energy of the male is required and that is the DOING component (Jim’s physical energy output to create the environment at home / Jill’s learning and experimentation to use the trailer with Jim’s Dad) to move towards an experience of the female and that is BEING (Jim resting in the ambience of the space he creates / Jill relaxing in the bush on the weekend.) They are both moving towards an experience of life that is healthy and soul enhancing.

She feels deeply valued, when he willingly rests within her beautiful female energies.

He feels a deep sense of appreciation when she acknowledges his strong, supportive energies.

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